No sappy thoughts in my head I'm feelin' like I'm Peter Pan

siriyusly — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 06:01:32 +0000

It’s funny how closed up/shy I have become. I used to be a butterfly to some degree but I am now a timid little caterpillar. Maybe I can try to write this off as maturity. Ha! I laugh at the idea of myself being even close to ‘mature’.

This song never gets old

siriyusly — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 01:18:07 +0000

You are your biggest critic.

siriyusly — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 19:31:06 +0000

I’d say that was true. But today I gave myself a little leeway. I have talent, I really do. I’m becoming more proud of the work that I do. This girl in my photography class taught me.

At the beginning of the year, I looked at her with such annoyance. She wasn’t afraid to show off her work and her knowledge about photography. Right off the bat I deemed her as know-it-all. But as the semester progressed I realized she just really loves photography. During critiques, sometimes she may ramble on and it may seem kind of obnoxious but she is just happy to provide insight and to help others. This is usually one of my pet peeves. But for some reason I think God showed me that her participation in class comes from passion and not from that “bad kind” of pride. I, in comparison, was very shy during the whole semester. During critiques I would always shoot down my own work. All my life I have been so afraid to look arrogant and prideful that it is almost second nature for me to quickly deflect compliments and ploys of “good job”. I tried my best to stay modest by picking out all the flaws in my work. I guess this was a mind trick of my own unintentional self. I was starting to believe my work was never good enough. But I don’t want to anymore. I want to love my work and be proud of it. I mean, it is after all a reflection of who I am. Maybe that’s just it: it is a reflection of who I am and I just love picking at my imperfections. How sad that in an subject form as lenient as art I cannot even freely express myself without feeling inadequate.

I suppose this ‘love my work’ movement is just another thing added onto my list of things that need balance. I want to be proud of my work but not to the point where I become a conceited bitch.

This post was fueled by a project I did in my photo40 class, the blurb book. I did my book on my little sister. I wasn’t so proud of it because there were some major flaws in it, or so I thought. But people really loved it, including my teacher. I recieved an A+ and someone said it was their favorite book of the bunch. I don’t know why I shot my book down so fast. Even my mom who picks at every one of my pimples and pounds liked it. I guess I am just my biggest critic.

To no one in particular.

siriyusly — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 19:08:46 +0000

La-la-love is a funny thing and it’s completely cliche of me to write a blog about one as if I knew everything:

Mary fusses over how the love of her life and how she cannot be with him because of bad timing. She asks if Massimo understands. He says yes. Mary rhetorically asks him if he knows how it feels to not be able to have the one you love. Massimo looks longingly at Mary and again says yes. She goes on to complain about how love should be. Massimo interrupts her, “Love is just love.”

People read into what love should be too much. You have a list of things that you should feel or that should happen when you fall in love. So you analyze. You analyze their looks, internet history, personality, attitude, report card, resume, clothing choices, friends, hobbies, YouTube searches, food choices, pet peeves… everything. One thing that doesn’t follow your list, your criteria, and it’s over. You will have it in the back of your mind that what you are looking for is tall, dark, and handsome but the person you just met is only tall, dark, and decent. So you overlook them. You ask yourself, ‘Why should I settle? That perfect one is out there so why should I waste my time with this almost-perfect one.’

Ah young grasshopper, you have yet to learn. Don’t you know? It’s about how that person makes you feel. You may knock them down for being into Twilight¸ but what if they make you laugh and smile even when they’re not around. You sit on your own pedestal with your extensive list and grade each person that walks by in your life. But what made you so special in the first place.

Are you perfect, bitch?

Are you?

Just let it go. Let go of all the things that you think you are looking for in a person. It’s not up to you anyways. It’s up to God, or fate, or luck, or chance, or whoever you want to give credit too. Example: You may think you only like black guys (this is as vague as it can get) but once you meet a guy who isn’t black that you like, won’t your mind change? So give everyone a shot. People may surprise you. If someone told you to write down on a piece of paper all the things you think you are you probably couldn’t fit it. We are complex beings. Every single one of our traits and characteristics could not be written down on a single sheet. So take the time to invest in a friendship and get through each layer of who they are. Even Shrek the ogre had layers.

And who’s to say people won’t change?

im starting to like my dad more and more.

siriyusly — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 10:36:53 +0000

i have alot to do. but kevin is here from riverside. ive just been hanging out with him and julia. before we get on our school hype. im going to pay for this tomorrow night when 544 papers are due righat after each toher and 342 photo and drawing projedcts come. sigh.

its worth it tho.
i miss them alot.
<33

Thanksgivvvy

siriyusly — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 09:51:33 +0000

I had such an angry thanksgiving weekend. It reminded me of Pieces of April if anyone has seen it. I haven’t done so much crying in a while.
But, you know what,

It was good. I am happy. I am content.

siriyusly — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 05:17:18 +0000

wtf have i done lately.

Pathetic

siriyusly — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 02:57:48 +0000

Lol, how sad. I only have 103.98 $ for christmas presents this year. .. .. . . .

Past

siriyusly — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 02:53:56 +0000

So the last week and a half will now be considered as my lazy week. I talked to a few (Lol, I wanted to write it as phew..) people and they said it was their lazy week too! See, I told you guys it was just a lull. Anyways. I think it’s safe to say that from now till December 22nd is the home stretch. One month. I’ve been lagging and I’ve been slipping, but this is it. I want to be proud at the end.
<3 Good luck

:]

siriyusly — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:02:58 +0000

Slept in SUPer today. Feelin’ good. my feet hrut from wearing flats so much. pooed and cleared my system for tonight. we having fajitas and wine! :] i am growing a liking to it. i dont really drink ever anymore. but wine is good. it looks cold today but warm? IDK i hate the weather like this. i hate iit when i dont know how to dress appropriately. i wish there was a forecast system that told me what i should wear for the weather. Idk wtf 62 degrees is, but if u tell me its a day for a light sweater, that would be much more effective and efficient. Goodness .I might just haeve to take up on my own idea. WeatherWear.com will be in effect soon! haha IDK.